It’s been a long day, the week from Hades, I’ve still got work to do…a deadline to meet for pete’s sake. Why is this kid still up? Who gave these kids sugar so they wouldn’t wanna go to bed? All I’m asking is for them to get their pjs on, brush, say their prayers and go to bed. How come it’s going to take a move of God to do it!! Plus, they still didn’t pick up the mess in their rooms. How many times do I have to say it! GO TO BED NOW!!! Da**, there it is…that little temper. It just had to rear it’s ugly head. After all, I am known to be a level-headed person, how did I go there, why do I go there? Sound at all familiar? Unless you’re PollyAnna, then yes this has happened. You feel terrible, you would die for your children, you don’t mean to be so short with them. You are not alone this. I’m thinking of all the parents I know, and you are not alone. It’s taken time, my early childhood training, and yes reading my bible to get me to a point where I am equipped to handle those stressful moments. I’m not perfect, never ever will be. My child, heck people in general still get on my nerves sometimes..we’re all human. However, I’ve made a decision to not hurt my son, or let us go to bed upset with each other. I had to take a long hard look at myself…ouch. I realized I bark at people sometimes because I’m feeling powerless at the moment and I feel I can regain that power by raising my voice or snapping. I know when I’m tired I get irritable. When I’m frustrated about my business or finances I get anxious. I also know that sometimes my child enjoys pushing my buttons. Taking all of this into account I’ve made some changes. When I’m tired I say that. I let my son know and he knows that I’m irritable and doesn’t try to push the boundaries. I’m learning to let go of my pride and need for complete control. That one is so tough. It is so hard to not appear weak. As a single mom I want to be seen as strong. ‘I can handle it’ was my motto. Now my motto is I can not do it all…I don’t even have or want to. I don’t have to be wonder woman; that was Linda Carter’s role. The word No has become a part of my vocabulary. I realized I don’t have to get into a power struggle with my child; if I’ve already made it known that what I say goes. It means I have to stay consistent and be persistent. I can not ask him to do something then give in and do it myself if he doesn’t move fast enough or do it the first two times I tell him. Nothing breeds contempt faster. It will. How can it not? We are being disrespected and if we don’t address it when it happens we get resentful. When the next incident happens we loose our cool. Don’t let it get that far..as Barney Fife(hope that’s right) would say..”nip, nip it in the bud.” Next thing I will say is get some rest. When we’re pushing ourselves we approach burn out. So take some time for you and go to bed at a reasonable hour. It’s helped me a great deal. Also keep in my mind, when a stress situation arises with kids, that you love them and don’t want to see them hurt. You want to discipline and guide them, not crush their spirits. We don’t have try to break a child’s will. We just have to nurture it into something positive. Remember you’re the adult and you are not confronting another adult. This is your child. Obeying and respecting what you say is their end of the bargain. So be firm and let them know that B can’t happen until they do A. You’re not moving on the subject;it’s not a choice. We do this with a firm but loving tone. Consistency will go a long way. Prepare yourself before you approach your children. Recognize that you may face resistance and be ready to stand your ground. If the consequence is no computer time then stick to that. Your kids will know you’re serious and they will start to fall in line. They will become self-disciplined as you continue to raise them that way. They will be conscious of repercussions their decisions have and make better ones. The less you will have to be in a tug of war with them. Parenting is a career and you have to work at it. The benefits you receive will all be worth it.
Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.